Hard Things

I wish I could sign on and tell you that Miss. K loved her school. I wish I could say that, because I was so impressed with the school, in fact I wrote an entire blog about how amazing the school is. (that blog got lost in the Blogger App, but if I can get it back I will still publish it because I still feel like it is an excellent school) But the fact is I cannot tell you that Miss. K loved her school. While she walked in bravely the first trial day, day two was filled with fear and trembling. She sobbed with fear all morning long, feeling lost, trapped, abandoned and scared. By the time I got to the gate after hearing her cries she was inconsolable. It took me a good 40 min to get her calmed down. At first I wrote this off as normal separation anxiety made worse because of the language barrier, but after 2 hours of tears back at home before bed I determined that this was indeed a much deeper fear.  A fear that she was indeed being abandoned. The former Child Care Supervisor in me wanted her to tough it out, but the mom in me knew that this time was different, that this was indeed asking to much at this point.

So, this morning we went back to the school to unenroll Miss. K. The Director did her job well, trying to offer me wisdom and reassurance about leaving Miss. K, but I had to go with my gut on this one, and my gut said, not now. I know that she would have eventually worked past the fear, but this kid has had so many changes in the last few months that I determined this is one thing she does not NEED to stress about right now. Sure, I know that going to school will aid in language, and she would be able to communicate much quicker, sure I know that she is 3 and doesn't know what is best all the time, but I also know my kid and I know that her going to school right now is causing her an unnecessary amount of fear and trepidation.

It is hard to know what decisions are best all the time. It is hard to know whose voice to listen to. It is hard to watch your child full of fear and know you could end her suffering. It is hard to know if my choice was the right choice. In the end, I know she will figure life out here, and that there will be hard days, but I am okay knowing that today was not a hard day for her.

Comments

  1. UnknownJuly 3, 2018 at 7:38 PM

    I think you are doing the right thing, Momma. Take it easy and one step at a time. Love you two.

    ReplyDelete

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